Saturday, 27 February 2016

Surfing the Waves

So it's currently 1:40pm and I just can't sleep so what better thing to do than write ay? Hopefully getting some of the overwhelming thoughts out of my brain and on to paper will allow me to drift off easier haha. I'm feeling so stressed with schoolwork at the moment but I am so awful as I'll panic about it but then I don't do anything about it for ages as I'm so lazy. Well I'm not lazy, I just have no motivation for things that don't get my juices flowing yaknow... I have no interest or passion for school right now so I'm a serious procrastinator. The trouble with that though is I'm also a serious worrier, to the point where I can't sleep at night knowing I have a massive to do list. It just stares at me and tantalises me all night and tonight was one of those nights. I felt so guilty that I got up out of bed at 11pm and started some artwork. I actually surprisingly love working through the night, there's something so calming about being the only one awake, I feel like I am just a drop in the ocean and that I can chill out and go on through the whole night if I have to as for some strange reason time seems everlasting in the night compared to the day. A quote I read which I think is so true is something along the lines of "it is better to go to bed exhausted with acheivements, then go to bed worried with unfinished tasks". I am feeling so relieved right now that I can mentally scribble out a section of my list in my brain, that's right I'm less of a "tick off" and more of a serial killer scribbler kinda girl. So much more satisfying to watch the evil thing that has caused so much stress be ripped to shreds from the earth mwahahahahahaha. Saying this though, there's one thing so defeating about getting rid of tasks and that is that you're never complete. I'm all for emptying my plate but it never stays empty forever as before you know it, it's piled up again like a 2nd round at an all inclusive buffet. What I mean by this is that as hard as it is you've got to try not to get stressed out by the errands in your life as in retrospection they are temporary and will soon be replaced by something newer and bigger. So I guess you've got to stop avoiding the titanic waves coming your way and learn to surf them. Haha I made that up myself, I do love a water metaphor. The real peace of mind comes from just accepting and learning to live in the present instead of constantly waiting for the future. I'm grateful for all of this boring revison and time consuming artwork for my exam as it is also a time I am young and have my whole life ahead of me. It's most likely future me will wish to go back to this time at some point so I'll embrace it as best as I can.

Anyway, I'm going to attempt to catch some sleep now. Who am I kidding it's all still so stressful and I'll probably be awake for another 2 hours yet!!!!

Nunight, Lily x